SuiSei

Patterned with care. Glazed with memory.

SuiSei: If I think back carefully, I probably started writing somewhere between third and fourth grade. But honestly, I wouldn’t really call it “serious” writing at that point. Looking back, most of what I wrote was just me making copies…consciously or not, of whatever I thought was good. It was more like...I was writing something, but not really making things of my own yet.

SuiSei: I think I really started creating in my second year of high school. That was around 2019. School was super strict and controlling, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Writing became a way to let it all out. Back then, well, not that long ago, really, around 2018 to 2020, I thought LOFTER (one of the major fandom community sites in mainland China) was a great platform for posting. The layout was clean and simple, nothing flashy. The readers were pretty kind, too. I remember people being really gentle during that time. No arguments in the comments, just fun, respectful interactions. It was a good time.

Cleo: I can totally relate to that.

SuiSei: These days, I actually think Weibo and PO18 are better. Their censoring systems aren’t as strict, especially PO18, which barely moderates at all. LOFTER, on the other hand, has added way too many useless features: random stickers, short video browsers, AI “virtual lovers,” “grain-tickets” unlock systems for reading content…It’s just clutter, and none of it is helpful to me. And now, the censorship is getting worse too. It’s become really hard to use. That’s why I don’t take LOFTER as my first choice to post my work. Not anymore.

SuiSei: There are a lot of fanworks I really love, but one that’s left the deepest impression on me is this incredibly long, serious-toned fic—an epic, really. The printed version of it is as thick as Crime and Punishment. It’s a character-driven historical fanfic with a really serious tone. The story spans from 1919 all the way to 1991. It weaves in countless historical events, big and small, and it’s the best example I’ve read of how grand historical narratives can be balanced with deeply personal emotion. In this story, my OTP (One True Pairing) is caught in this constant tension between duty to their home country and their own fates. There’s also this enemies-to-lovers energy between them that I really love.

SuiSei: If you ask me about my favorite moment? I’d pick this one: It takes place during the Space Race. The two of them are at an observatory, looking up at the stars, trying to find the location of the planet they’re about to explore. In that moment, all the political burdens, all the ideologies and expectations placed on them—none of it matters.

SuiSei: Under the vast sky, they’re just two people quietly watching the stars. That night, nothing else felt important except that shared gaze into the unknown.

Cleo: Thank you for sharing that. It’s truly beautiful.

SuiSei: But if I had to name the one book that’s had the biggest influence on my own writing style, it would definitely be One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez. I’ve read it three times, and it’s shaped the way I write in a really deep way.

SuiSei: There’s this one piece I wrote, about two years ago now. Looking back, I can definitely see its flaws, but there’s one scene I still really love. In that one particular scene, the male protagonist is nailed to a cross. His mind is slipping, and he can’t even feel the pain. I really liked how I described the harsh white light in front of him. I compared it to a cheap stage spotlight in a musical, glaring and unreal.

SuiSei: And in his hazy awareness, he sees his younger sister. He’s struck by her strange and haunting beauty. She stares at him, blankly, while biting into a red apple. Blood runs from her mouth, down her neck, soaking the white cotton of her dress. There’s also this line: “The rib near his heart throbbed violently in time with the girl’s movements.” I still love that one.

Cleo: I love that too—the rib near his heart.

SuiSei: But that piece got censored. I’d posted it, left it up for a couple of hours, and then I realized I hadn’t gotten any feedback. I went to check my profile page, and boom! That’s when I saw it had been taken down.

SuiSei: I had no idea what triggered the filter. I tried thinking through it: what could’ve been the flagged words? I even tried searching online what LOFTER’s sensitive word list might be, but nothing came up. So I started guessing. Trial and error. I probably edited it ten times, maybe more. Based on what I’ve seen on the platform, I eventually came up with a list of “high-risk” content. For instance, intimate scenes are definitely on the list, even the lightest kiss has to be written carefully. And descriptions of blood, especially the word “blood” itself. Anything related to ghosts or the supernatural is risky too.

Cleo: Do you think it’s changed the way you write?

SuiSei: It definitely affected how I felt. I was so proud of that piece when I first finished it. But after going through multiple failed attempts to get it past moderation, by the time it finally posted, I didn’t feel excited anymore. The joy was gone.

SuiSei: It didn’t stop me from wanting to write, exactly, but it made me...less eager. Like, all that energy just got drained by the process. That said, it did teach me some tricks. I started learning to find softer synonyms for words that might get flagged. One anti-censorship trick is to add slashes or long spaces inside the “sensitive” word so it doesn’t trigger the system.

SuiSei: So, no. My writing strategy hasn’t changed in any big way. I’m still writing. I’m going to keep going.