Redemption

Redemption: I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the reality show Detective Academy?

Cleo: Yeah, I’ve heard of it.

Redemption: Back then, I think it had only run for two or three seasons. The cast had great chemistry. They were close, like real friends. It reminded me a lot of my own college environment, where everyone was living and studying together. At first, I was just drawn to a few of the cast members. They all seemed really nice. Maybe it’s because the people I’ve been around in real life are also pretty nice, so I naturally noticed that in the show. I thought—wow, these are well-educated people who are also genuinely kind. And, after college, I went to grad school. I mean, so you studied abroad, right? So that maybe you didn’t have shared dorms the way we do in undergrad here?

Cleo: Well, not that kind.

Redemption: Right. So when I started grad school, I had to find my own housing. And because I hate complicated situations, I ended up subletting from a senior classmate. The place wasn’t ideal. It was quite a so-so condition, and the people, people who already lived there, were close with each other. I was the newcomer, and even though no one was openly unfriendly, I still felt...kinda left out. Not intentionally excluded, maybe, but definitely disconnected.

Redemption: It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was probably just that sense of distance. But it made me feel uneasy. Around that time, I was watching that show a lot, and I came across some fan-created content. That’s when I thought, Okay, maybe I should write something too. So I started putting all my unmet hopes into fiction, into this character. Things like: this one’s having neighbors who are friendly, roommates who get along, a landlord who’s nice. In the stories, the main character gets accepted. People go out of their way to be nice. Like when you’re a freshman and someone patiently explains everything to you—that kind of vibe.

Cleo: Would you like to tell me more about your main character

Redemption: Well...it’s fanfiction about that show. So it’s a Boy’s Love RPS (Real Person Slash). (laughs)

Cleo: (laughs) Got it, got it.

Redemption: In real life, they’re totally normal. I mean, it’s like, one of them is married with kids, and the other has a girlfriend. (laughs) But I just really liked their dynamic. There’s this one famous clip where they’re walking their dogs together, and it’s so natural, almost like they’ve been together for years, even though they’d only known each other for six months. That kind of chemistry really stuck with me. Also, one of them studied social psychology, and I’m in psychology myself. The other one…you can tell from small details, that he is super sensitive and careful underneath a cheerful, outgoing surface. I just...felt like I could imagine the two of them as a pair.

Redemption: But since there’s very little real-life interaction between them, I eventually shifted to writing esports fanfiction. At the time, I noticed a lot of stories in that fandom were...well, badly written. Like elementary school level. And they were asking readers to send them tips and gifts! I mean, I’m not saying I write that well either, but it made me go: Wait, this? This gets paid? So I opened a new account and started writing my own stuff. But the numbers weren’t great. I think I got shadowbanned.

Cleo: How did you figure out it was shadowbanned?

Redemption: One post triggered a system notification saying the content was “problematic.” And another one…I compared it with the engagement from my other posts, and the stats just looked way off. It really felt like it had been limited.

Cleo: Would you feel comfortable talking about those two stories in more detail?

Redemption: Sure, though—(laughs) talking about the inspiration behind those stories feels kinda weird.

Cleo: (laughs) That’s totally okay! No pressure at all! It’s completely up to you whether or not you want to share.

Redemption: No no, it’s not that there’s anything I can’t talk about (laughs). It’s just a little surreal to be sharing this kind of thing. (laughs) So, one of the fics came from something I saw in another fandom—a long-distance relationship, but with, well...(laughs) That one got heavily censored, but I managed to rescue it! I moved the sex scene to a separate website and password-protected it...and then I forgot the password, so now I can’t open it. (laughs)

Cleo: Oh no! (laughs)

Redemption: So that’s why all I could send you was a screenshot of the story. (laughs) The other one, I also posted in image format, but it still got flagged. I have no idea why! It was just a slice-of-life kind of fic, the kind where a reader might imagine the characters in a relationship, but nothing explicit. It was honestly kind of based on my own past relationship, just some soft moments between two people.

Redemption: I mostly write short pieces anyway, maybe 3,000 to 4,000 words, and that’s it. I do have a few “unfinished projects”, and I mean actual pits. Like, I started them as longfics, wrote two or three chapters, one even got to four—but then I just...didn’t want to keep going.

Cleo: What happened?

Redemption: You know that feeling where just braining it is enough? (laughs) I don’t know if other writers do this, but I definitely do. One part of it is how serialized fics work on platforms…the first chapter always gets the most attention. After that, the stats just drop. That alone is kind of discouraging.

Cleo: Yeah, totally.

Redemption: Another thing is, when you’re writing a long story, you need to keep all the characters consistent and tie back earlier details. I’m a detail-oriented person, so I want things to connect. But sometimes I lay too many threads in the beginning, and then I can’t tie them all up. And sometimes the whole thing just...drifts. Once that happens, and the threads don’t match anymore, and I’ve drifted and I know I have to juggle all these characters...it just gets overwhelming. Especially because Detective Academy is an ensemble cast show. I always want to do it as an ensemble fic, but that means I have to balance the attention I give to each character.

Redemption: When all of that stacks up, the result often feels underwhelming. Maybe it’s a habit of mine. I tend to imagine a story like a short cinematic scene, like a tiny VCR clip in my head. I’ll design it in my mind—the lighting, the mood, the frame—like I’m storyboarding a film. That’s how I write. But when I try to match that image on the page, and still keep characters in character, and not favor anyone too much…it just doesn’t come out the way I saw it. At some point, I just think: well, I saw the movie in my head. That was satisfying enough. Maybe I don’t need to write it down.
But with short fics, it’s different. With short fics, the challenge is more: Is it fun? Is it new?

Redemption: Honestly, like I said, I started writing to give my mind a space to go. Then over time, it became…when I come up with a fun story, and I want people to see it, I’ll write it. But when there’s too much external stuff, like in those unfinished fics, if the concept feels too overdone, I’ll just think: eh, the fandom already has this. And I can’t guarantee I’d write anything that fresh.

Redemption: So if the idea feels good but the writing starts to feel like a chore, I just won’t do it. After all, I write for me.